Hey again,
Just came back from school.
Skipped Maths because it’s shoddy and shitty.
Watched Faking It and Awkward and OH MY JESUS I WANT MORE.
I’m not sup post to be on the computer blogging right now, but honestly I don’t really give a shit, so whatever, I’ll just go wash and study peacefully like the good student I am, because after all it’s not like I have exams in 2 weeks.
I passed my ECDL exam. Woop.
Such enthusiasm radiating from this very post, I can literally feel it.
Nothing that interesting happened at school today, nothing ever does really, Although just before I left school I saw my English teacher trying to reason out with Hannah one of my friends who has this big ass crush over this big ass guy called Matthew who has a really fucking hot girlfriend who moved to school a month ago and I guess I really like her.
She’s bisexual.
Just putting it out there.
Anyway. Hannah and Sammy are always fighting because Sammy and Matthew are really fucking protective over eachother but whatever, they’re both hot individuals so they both deserve to be with one another because they’re both so fucking happy, and they’re cute together I guess.
I want them to split but honestly I’ve been trying to stop liking her because, I want her to be happy, even if I don’t fucking know her, but life is so complicated because I think I’ve never liked someone as much as her. I don’t even know why. I got so pissed off, so so pissed off because in reality I’ve never actually spoken to her.
But I swear to god I catch her staring at me a lot in Chemistry and Jesus I don’t know why but I get so nervous around her and I’m not even half as swift and ‘cool’ as I sound on the blog in real life, I’m a nervous ass shit fucker who chokes up when they like someone, that’s me. Sorry for all the profanity.
I’m not a pervert or anything, I just really like her, and I feel drawn towards her and god knows why but I just really like her, and I can’t help it, but nothing can ever happen between us because in reality she probably doesn’t really notice me.
She follows me on tumblr and always reblogs my shit for some reason. Doesn’t mean she knows who I am though , I post a bunch of gay stuff sometimes on my tumblr but whatever.
When I had gone on a London trip with some of my friends a month ago, Irony of all Ironies they dared me to act lesbian so I did for the whole week and I made them all laugh and they were talking about it in front of her because she was sitting down in P.E (she’s not in my class , but I take P.E in their class because I dropped art, so every other week I see her in P.E but she never does anything in P.E because she has low blood pressure. I don’t know.) and I was seriously shy and humiliated because she was looking at me whilst they had to tell the fucking teacher how I acted bloody lesbian for a week and everyone laughing and she’s just looking over so, whatever, I suck balls.
Not literally. Of course.
Still a virgin.
She isn’t. Apparently. She’s way out of my league, so there’s no point.
Whatever I’m saying right now, seems comical but I really do like her, and fuck all the comedy for one paragraph, I really do like her more than I’ve liked anyone else and she’s got quite an interesting character, and we’re both mentally fucked up (although I got kind of pissed off because she blurted out she had bi- polar in class and people who do that bug me, because I’m pretty sure she didn’t get that diagnosed, but maybe she does, I don’t know. I do. It sucks. I don’t want to talk about that.) and she does stare at me a lot, but that doesn’t mean anything.
I think she was talking about me to her boyfriend (who is my friend in a way I guess) in the line for the cafeteria because I heard him say, “She’s in what class with you?” and she said “Chemistry.” and I don’t know but I assumed she was talking about me because I’m the only one next to her who’s in Chemistry.
But she doesn’t like me in that way, she probably barely acknowledges me, she’s happy with her boyfriend, and I should go find some actual lesbians or bisexuals or whatever, but I can’t because I’m still 15 and not fucking old enough. My life sucks.
Right now, I’m just being all stupid and comical but if I’m having a shit day, I won’t be and some of these posts can be disturbingly depressing, so get ready for a shit storm.
But right now I just like making jokes about everything to cope even though it really fucking hurts.
I’ll explain later.
Bye.
For Now.
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